We arrived at the gate and of course it was locked for cars to enter. So we parked our horse at an a

Imagine getting some of your buds together and taking a road trip from let's say NYC to umm hmm Montreal. Ok. Now let's say one of your crazy friends says 'Hey let's go as Braveheart characters..just cause". Sure! Why not! Why stop there. Let's dress the car up in fancy tartan (it's plaid..are you stupid!) and paint Haggis and Shite that looks like dripping blood on the sides of our door. But wait.. i don't want to do this to my own car soooooo ... let's rent a car instead?? AWESOME.. but wait... san antonio express news travel section its a boooorrrrinnngggg 6hr drive to Montreal. Since we are dressed up like idiots, let's make it even more fun and go find some wacky roadside attractions on the way! OK - says the car full of costumed idiots..
What is the Rental Car Rally you ask? It's a driving competition..not a race.. from NYC to Montreal against other cars;1 car per team. On your way to Montreal you have checkpoints that you must find, take your picture in front of it and upload it to either twitter or facebook. During the ride it is encouraged to fuck with other teams; especially their car. The RCR folks provide a case of shenanigans that you can use to mess with the other peeps and their thrusty vehicle such as oatmeal, butter, glitter, smoke bombs (which we totally forgot to use) and last but not least EGGS. If thats not enough, you must have a theme and go with it. Dress up yourself and your car and your good to go. So the best way to describe it is: Weird NJ meets Halloween on wheels. Check out www.rentalcarrally.com for all the jazz.
How do you win? You dress up like characters from Braveheart and play the role the entire time. You fuck with the other teams just enough so you are not drawing the line of douchness. You talk shit on twitter at any possibility to keep your name still relevant in the "game". You find all the checkpoints that are required and take some very unique pictures. You basically play exactly how we did because we WON bitches! Oh and you also wear kilts or Jessica Simpson mini skirt in my case and you dont wear undies! once again.. FREEEEDOOOOMMMMM
Its not about getting their the fastest. It just about getting their with low mileage. Having the lowest mileage will get you a gold pump but you have do everything WE did in order to take the top prize son.
Our team dressed up as the bloody fookin cocksuckers from Braveheart. For those of you haven't seen Braveheart should jump off a building right now. Our costumes were sort of a mix between William Wallace and caveman but, hey it worked as we won the TOP PRIZE. Winning gets you a bag of change (literally) - $500 to be exact and a gas pump painted in gold (freshly painted as it was still wet when we got it.. dicks). So after splitting the money, i still owed 90 bux for the car, registration and hotel. What the shite!!
We drove for approximately 20hrs straight. I had about 1 hour and 10 minutes of sleep. My wife asked me what we talked about during this time? She assumed life events, personal goals, girls we slept with in the past, etc. No.. in all honesty we talked about the checkpoint we just did and whats to come. We talked about who fucked with our car and how we are going to get them back. And we were nonstop checking twitter talking smack and making stupid Scottish jokes. We were all in it to win it and we did. What up!? For the record, i believe i am the first person in the history of Canada to cross their border dressed from head to toe as William Wallace; wig and all. I told the border patrol that he can take our lives but he cant take our freedom. Ok.. i didnt but that wouldve been AWESOME eh!
We met at a street in Brooklyn that i believe appeared in the movie Judgment san antonio express news travel section Night. It was quite scary. Especially when the street got filled with weird characters and crazy looking cars and wacky music playing. If you listened closely, behind all those loud club beats, you can hear the faint beautiful score from Braveheart playing as loud as could be from our horse aka Ford Escape.
This was located in Harlem at a schoolyard that was gated and closed up for the night. san antonio express news travel section The graffiti looked awesome but unfortunately we werent able to climb over the high spiked fences to see more. I dont think the cops riding around watching us would have liked it either. Regardless I got my pic of me "breakdancing" in front of it and we were good to go. Another team, the Cobra Kais, were with us and 2 of our team members snuck away to go sabotage their car.. nicely done boys!
This is where things started san antonio express news travel section to get exciting. We had to drive from Harlem to Snakes Den Road in Ringwood NJ to get out and hike in the woods to find an abandoned mine shaft. Okaayyyyyy. So we arrive at our destination after lots of winding roads and strange houses. I am sure the Jackson Whites were not too far away watching our every move. We park at the Weis Ecology parking lot and make our way into the woods. Luckily, san antonio express news travel section a couple of our team members have been to the mine before (it pays to be from NJ.. i mean Scotland) so he sorta remembered the way. I say sorta because san antonio express news travel section we got lost quite a few times. We found it in about 25 minutes. We were soaking wet as it started to rain. During the walk/run i felt like i was in a scary movie and was waiting for the bear to come and maul me to death or the Jackson White family waiting for their next meal. I'm not gonna lie, i was freaking scared. I didnt want to walk in those woods for 2 reason. 1 - because i was wearing my nice John Varvatos chukka boots to compliment my outift (i really had no idea we would be getting out of the car much) and B - because san antonio express news travel section i was really freaking scared! Im a suburbia kid..dont judge.
san antonio express news travel section So we find the cave and take our pic like we are supposed to outside it. Then, of course, my buddies want to go check out whats inside. I didnt want to stand outside the cave alone in teh pitch dark so of course i followed. I had to creep down really low and crawl into the cave opening. My balls were certainly on display. When we walked in all i thought about were the bats i saw flying around us. Great..now rabies, was now what was on my mind. We made our way back to the far end where we saw the mine and took our pic. My buddy Anthony (the other William Wallace who decided not to wear a wig because he didnt want to un-pretty his hair) wrote our name on the cave wall only to have it defaced later by some dinosaur chasers. Dam Jursassic Parkers.
We made our way out of the cave. I was the first to get out which meant that my balls and asshole were on the display san antonio express news travel section for the rest of my team to exhibit. It wouldn't be the last. We hiked back and found our way rather quickly to the opening of the trail and back to the road. It was pouring san antonio express news travel section rain at this time. Luckily, my leather armor stayed true and kept my body nice and dry. :-) Nothing but a good hike in the middle of the night while wearing a kilt dressed up like Scottish hero with no underwear san antonio express news travel section in the pouring rain.. ahhh the Rental Car Rally
Part of the fun of the challenge is actually finding the place. The RCR boys dont give you much clues as to where it is you need to go. Just a simple clue and maybe an address (if your lucky). So we decided to go to the mental hospital first instead of the next checkpoint thinking we were saving on mileage. Im still not sure if it was the right move BUT it was dark out and visting an abandoned mental institute when the sun is out, or coming out, is just stupid.
We visited the Rockland County san antonio express news travel section Psychiatric Center which of course is abandoned for 20 years or so. Its been a dream of mine to visit an abandoned san antonio express news travel section mental hospital for years now and it was finally coming san antonio express news travel section true. In all honesty, i was excited!
We arrived at the gate and of course it was locked for cars to enter. So we parked our horse at an abandoned gas station, or at least it looked abandoned, nearby. We ran across the street ducking from cops and made our way to the gate. We made our way through one of the gates that was conveniently opened while ignoring the PRIVATE PROPERTY san antonio express news travel section signs, a sign that we would see many times in our travels, and explored the huge open land in front of us. To our left were the buildings. san antonio express news travel section Our checkpoint was to take a picture in front of a psychotic bear or something like that. After some googling skills we were able to see the mural that we needed to find. The first building upon entering was about 500ft to the left of us. We ran over to it and immediately saw lights flashing inside. This freaked us the fuck out because there is supposed to be nobody in there until we realized it was another team. We quickly went to the front of the building and made our way through a busted window san antonio express news travel section to get onto the main porch. The front door was closed. My buddy Ant looked in the window and sure enough there was the mural we needed to find.. SWEET. Now the rules state that you don't need to break the law in order to get a pic so we could have just taken a pic from the window.. but what fun is that. So we made our way around the back of the building to find an open door. We made our way in..
To the right of us was a door which led to the basement. We immediately closed it as we shivered in fear. Instead we made our way up the stairs and to the right down a long hallway to the front of the house where the painting san antonio express news travel section was. I think it was all adrenaline at this point because i don't remember really looking around san antonio express news travel section too much until after we took our picture in front of the bear. We basically tried to sodomize the bear but we didn't have much luck.
After the picture fest we then explored some of the rooms. CREEPAZOID! Reminded me of every scary movie i saw since birth. There was a chair which resembled the electro shock therapy chairs that so conveniently sat in the middle of the hallway. Immediately, Frank sits in the chair and Anthony makes believe he is cutting his hair reenacting the scene in Braveheart when they get haircuts (for those who didn't see Braveheart totally think that really happens). I got chills thinking that some spirit may ha